The Prodigal Cat

I’ve returned. What have I been doing since my last post months ago? Quite a bit:

Playing poker

Boxing

Gardening

Method acting for The Godfather understudy

Sleeping. Obviously.

Perfecting my birdie stare

Maintaining a consistent level of suspicion

Midnight snack

“Now… if only… I can squeeeeeeeeeeeeze… my chubby tummy… through this crack… I’ll have a secret passage to the food.”

Feline Anal Glands – Crude but Natural

Excuse the ‘expression’ but felines have anal glands and sometimes they need to be expressed. I’ve laboured long and hard over this post since a) it’s embarrassing and b) well, it’s embarrassing!

Last weekend Mama was changing the sheets on my bed. I *love* this ritual. I can hop between the fresh cotton and ride the billowing waves of the sheets. I roll onto my back then scoot my chin along the Egyptian thread count. Egyptians knew how to worship a cat didn’t they?

Because she’s a tyrant, Mama kept pushing me off the bed. Little does she know my stamina exceeds her temper so I just kept jumping back on to surf my sheets. Then she said ‘Copernicus, what the hell is that?’. I turned around and saw a spray of brown, standing out proudly against the white sheet. ‘Well Mama, that’s my pheromone!’. As if she didn’t know? When she pushed my behind to get me off the bed again, more squirted out. She was infuriated because she had to wash the sheets again. I have no idea why since I was only marking my territory, albeit without intention.

You see felines (and the inferior canine) have two anal glands on either side of their poop shoot. More technical info can be found on the Cat Site but the gist of it is this: when a cat poops, the process automatically expresses the glands to leave a sweet smelling message to any passers by that indicates ‘Hey, this is my property. Get thee away!’. Skunks do the same thing when they get a fright. Sometimes however a cat’s glands get a bit too full and can express during periods of excitement or an angry Mama’s push. Don’t be alarmed. It’s natural. Unless there’s a physiological problem, at which time the dreaded vet may need to be involved.

My feline friends, the simple fact is this. Humans don’t have anal glands therefore they cannot understand their importance. It’s a normal part of being a cat. If you’re experiencing any discomfort or unusual behaviour then by all means ask your caretaker to drive you to the vet to have them expressed, but if you’re feeling fine? Then insist your bed is donned with a darker shade of sheet!

Hide and Seek

1 hippopotamus… 2 hippopotamus… 3 hippopotamus…

Fire and mice

Where are my mousemallows?

marshmallows

The Cat Channel

I don’t really watch television. I often spend my time whiskers-deep in a good book. Moby Dick is my favourite. But last night Mama & Papa were watching an eye-catching documentary about Yellowstone in USA. It’s the largest super volcano in the world and could erupt at any moment.

Yellowstone during Summer features a great diversity of species. Birds, bears, flowers, fish. An unimaginable level of deliciousness.

And of course there is always a sense of enchantment as the beautiful sun sets…

Love makes you do silly things

In all my excitement for my new box I forgot something… Oh yes. My tail!

Cat Confucius #5

What matters most is how you see yourself.

Hallowed be thy Box

Some may say, it’s not cool to pray
But they haven’t met my Box
It gives me shelter and holds my toys
When I run out of time to play

I pray my Box, with its cardboard knocks
Will always be sturdy and strong
To withstand my pounce, and my weighty bounce
Like the strongest of garden rocks

I honour thy Box, and do hope for thee
To remain always in my heart
And if I lose my way, or forget to pray
Please keep your door open for me

Sleep School

No I am not dead. This is the position I find most conducive to a deep, replenishing sleep. It’s how I realign my chakras. And let the heat from the ceiling ducks warm my belly. It’s a little unorthodox but you might like to try it if you ever experience feline insomnia. Ha. As if.